Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

My name is Jacob P.. What I am about to write here is my personal thoughts and secrets that I would never tell anyone even if it kills me. I am so depressed that I am unhappy as there can be possibly. I am 15 years old and have no friends. Just acquaintances. Nobody knows me, people call me names and I do nothing about it, most of the time. I take a lot of people閳ユ獨 **** and never do much about it unless I閳ユ獡 really really pissed off. Today was just another shitty day in my life. All the same, basically, with the exception of a few more things to be upset about. My typical day of the week is this: I wake up, take a shower, get out of the shower, try to find something to wear that I like and is alright looking, then mess with my curly as chlorine hair for about 20 minutes. Get into a car with my mom, she drops me off at school on her way to work. I arrive at school usually about 7:55 and walk around the hallways for about 25 minutes by myself.

I feel ashamed of writing this, I am so messed up that I am embarrassed even in my head for doing this... while walking around I just walk up and down the halls for excuses to look at the person I like and can閳ユ獩 get the nerve to talk to her or even say hi. I am pretty sure she likes me too, but I don閳ユ獩 know what to do, I am to shy to talk to her or even say hi back when she says hi to me. Then I go to my first period class and sit. I don閳ユ獩 talk to hardly anyone in the class. This clown that sits in front of me use to be my friend. Now he is just embarrassing. He doesn閳ユ獩 do a damn thing to his hair from the time he gets up in the morning to the time he gets out of swim practice. All he talks about is World of Warcraft **** that is so gay. Every time he talks to someone else that plays it, that閳ユ獨 all he talks about. He says these stupid as phrases he hears in the game and is really obnoxious. He thinks that he is so smart and everyone else is inferior to him. He is a freak too who says he has OCD, just because he won閳ユ獩 touch his damn food cause he says he doesn閳ユ獩 want to put dirty food in his fat belly. The nasty beast spits on his hands and rubs them together and some how that is ok? Do not think so, sick bastard. After 1st hour, I walk out the hallway just try to hurry to get a glimpse of the girl that I like coming out of her class, hoping that something will change, never does. I am pretty certain that she likes me, but not to sure that maybe it is because I want her to like me back. I think about her all the time. Then I go to my 2nd period class and just sit for over an hour listening to this old ***** teacher who hates the kids, yet try閳ユ獨 to Be cool? The kids are laughing at her and she just shakes off whatever she is doing and says it is the objects fault or other. After 2nd, I wait in the classroom just to make sure im the last one out to waste some time so I can walk down the same hall and see the girl I like looking at her for a few seconds and it all just stays the same. Some days when she says hi to me its really quietly while she is walking, sorta spitted out. I do not know. 3rd hour is stupid as hell. This bastard calls me a retard and makes fun of me. I can kick his *** so bad and I choked him in 6th grade once already... And I was even nice to him when he got in a car crash and has his retarted face wired shut. Then this one kid is so fake and lies. Just try閳ユ獨 to fit in. Wears random band shirts that noone has even heard of. Well, im sure some people have, but not any good bands. That screamo ****. Lies about everything most of the time. Then during 5th the fake *** fights like a little girl. Holding onto me pinching and scratching me with his girl nails. I had him by the throat up against the glass wall and he said to let go and so I did because I did not want to 閳?fight, fight閳? Then he goes over to a group of kids and says he was like stronger then me or something.. He isn閳ユ獩 I am. I know I am. Then he trys to play it off and act like we are friends. 閳ユΞays we have been friends since 3rd grade and doesn閳ユ獩 want it to be like this. We were never friends. Did I talk to him all the time? Does he know me? Do I call him? Do I go to his house? No. Anyways I just told you 5th. back after 3rd period, after lunch, I rush down to put my books away just to go up the hallway to see her. She is really pretty. Then I go to 4th hour. Oh, what a bore hole. Until... yesterday I was glancing over at the bf/gf beside me. She was giving him a hand job. It was really disturbing. He had his coat or whatever covering his unzipped pants. And I could hear what they were saying to each other. Then today they were trying to do it again, but luckily did not get the chance to. They talk about how they are starting to have sex together. It is funny, sorta. The only time I smile is when I laugh at something. Or think about the girl I like by myself. I do not smile. There is nothing in my life to smile about. People say smile. They do not know me. What the hell do I have to smile about? Nothing. I just think about how depressed I am. And wonder how the people would react if I killed myself. Then I go home, I am on the swim team didn閳ユ獩 go to the last few practices cause I am not even swimming in the final meet. Why and the hell should I practice with a bunch of bastard閳ユ獨 I hate and don閳ユ獩 like? When I talk to people, I mess up. Like I won閳ユ獩 tell them how I feel and cannot be myself. I end up saying something that makes me look like an idiot. I just really want to talk to her. She is 18 I am 15. I do not know what to do anymore. The past few years have been so bad. I am so depressed and wonder if there is anyone like me out there. Anyone like me. Am I even human. Does anyone else have these problems with no answer? I go home and listen to Shinedown and 3 days grace. I like them a lot. My asshole sister is going to their concert Monday w/o me. It is not even fair. She doesn閳ユ獩 even like them. I knew about this concert over a month ago and I am willing to pay the ticket. *****. Nothing ever goes my way. I go to bed.. I have trouble sleeping through the nights lately. I think about her a lot and wonder if she likes me too. I like her so much and I barley know her. I am so messed up. Its really hard to say hi or do anything to her or even look at her when I see her sometimes. I am ashamed. There are like 6 jacobs in my grade. One with the same last name as me even. I have no identity. II

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

I stopped reading about halfway when I realized I felt like I was reading a biopic of my childhood. Now Im 22 years old living in my own apartment, an aspiring film maker, happy as can be, with friends a girl that im absolutely inlove with who Im waiting till shes of age cus I honestly could care less what anyone thinks. Dude, life is a F***in adventure, all the stuff your caught up now, the drama, the highschool popularity, identity, you will learn in time man, that it does not matter at all. All the as***les and popular tough guys seem to have karma catch up with them. Right now, be yourself, dont care what anyone thinks except you, be happy, be a good person, and I promise you, PROMISE, that its gonna become something you never would have expected. O and that girl you like, you should think about going up to her one day and sayin something, girls think the same way we do man, if a girl came up to you and said somethin nice, dont you think youd be a little taken? Do it bro, this lifes here for the taking.

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

Listen, please dont do anything to hurt yourself. I think youre just very shy. Dont worry about what people say in school, you are your own person. As for the girl, if you really like her you should say hi back to her, maybe start up a conversation one day. Ask her about music, movies, or something that interests you. Good luck

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

i know you have probably heard this a million times but maybe you could try to be more outgoing and friendly.

i think you are normal.

ill be your friend. if you wanna talk, email me it would be cool to hear from you. my email is ilovesoccr@hotmail.com

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

well you should tell ur mom and maybe she'll put u in a new school and you can start your life all over again, be yourself find real friends or idk i use to feel like that last year because omg my story would be longer than yours so i think i'll just keep it to myself but believe me there are people like you and there are people that are going through the same thing you are going through, what you need is a friend you can tell ur problems too and i know that since you are a guy it can somtimes be hard to have one of those close friends but believe me there is always going to be someone willing to be your friend not all people are mean. also try to think positive stop thinking your life is a mess, think that there are people living a much worse life than you are and that you are lucky to have a house, a computer, food idk thinking positive helped me, well if u need of a friend i'll be your friend and you can talk to me k?

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

OMG first of all you need to gain the courage to talk to this girl....or you will regret that later...

second of all yes there is alot of people like you...i used to be one of them but i snapped out of it....im in 10th and im 16....im really sorry that you are having such a hard time....i kinda am too right now. What makes me happy is going into my bedroom and turning off everything and thinking of everything i can be thankful for and what other people in the world are probably dealing with right now like...child abuse and break ups...and basically being emo....

But anyways seriously you need to talk to your parents about this feeling your having...i HAD a boyfriend that i was in love with and he told me that he was having suicidal thoughts and he told me to promise him not to tell anyone.....well i did....but the picture in my head of losing him cause i didn't say anything hurt even worse and i did say something...and now he broke up with me just last month and blocked me off myspace....and we arent friends...i still care about him....but i cant do anything about it cause my mom is friends with his mom and anything i do to michael he tells his mom which tells my mom then i get into trouble it really sucks!

Anyways....after i did say something....his parents talked to him...and now he is happier and not depressed anymore and his parents pay alot of more attention to him now which he loves....Im happy for him...and if i had to sacrifice my chance to be with him forever just so i wouldnt lose him i would...and i did.......im just glad he is happy now.

alls i can say is this wont last forever I PROMISE! :)

Good Luck :)

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

Well, I would start with actually getting up the nerve to talk to this girl you like so much. You shouldn't complain about how nothing is going for you in your life, instead you should try to make good things happen for yourself. You should also try and not let other people bother you so much. Yeah, there are a lot of really stupid people in the world, but instead of being mad that they are stupid, just silently laugh at them. They aren't making a fool out of anyone but themselves. Fighting doesn't solve anything, you should be "above" the other losers by not fighting them. You shouldn't stoop down to their level. About being depressed, I don't know much about that, but if you really think you are, you should talk to a school counselor or your parents about getting help. Other than that, I'll repeat that in order for you to be happy, you should try to do things that make you happy, like talk to the girl you like or try and make friends. I'm sure there are people, maybe not many, but at least a few people that you can get along with at school. Try being more open. Good luck and try to be optimistic!

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

You are a very depressed young man. Your feelings are so

pent up that you are in school but you are tuned out to learning. You don't have many friends, but you do like this girl

you watch between periods. May I suggest you try and talk

to a therapist or psychologist, you tell them what you have said here. It may cost your folks some money . I hope they have some insurance to help with. It is imperative you see

a medical person as soon as possible. Don't put this off

or make some kind of excuse not to do it , your mind is

all screwed up and it isn't funny. Where are your parents?

Don't they see you have a problem? Send this girl a nice

thinking of you card, I bet she will talk to you then. If she still

ignores you try again. Don't give up on her, and don't make

excuses for yourself. Excuses don't work any more.

The hate in your mind is poisoning everything and person

around you. You must get rid of this hate, or you will never

be happy anywhere or anytime.

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

i too feel like there are a great deal of problems in my life, and i have no one to talk to them about. you do go through a lot of troubles. i'm glad that you were able to get this out, i know what it feels like to have a lot on your plate! email me if you ever want to talk, i think you can email me.

Is there anyone else out there like me? or am I not even human?

I use to be that depressed. I use to want to kill myself and was about to try-then my mom beat me to it. We had to lock her up in a home for the mentally unstable. It wasted pretty much all of our money and made life worse. I'm just glad it wasn't me who put my family in a big hole- and that i wasn't the one who got sucked into an insane asylum. Then I have thoughts of- how could she just try to leave? She has ******* kids. What were we supposed to do if she had succeeded. And she probably would have thought something similar of me- you're only a teenager, you have your whole life ahead of you; what were you trying to do?

Teenagers are some of the worst people that exist. It's a time in their life when they start getting brave and think that nothing can hurt them- so they can go around and be complete assholes to one another. There have to be some good people that exist- but I wouldn't hang all my hope on this one chick that might not have any of the answers that you want.

What does it matter if there are a few kids with the same name as you? Your name isn't your identity- you're not even the one who picked it.

It's real messy how you start fights with people. I had read the other answers- and maye it would help you to switch schools. School is just a reoccuring nightmare that you have to deal with everyday. You can either find some good in it (like friends or even -gasp- an education), or you'll be stuck being very miserable.

I'm a senior and I've never had friends in school- I never had friends at home either; there are no kids who live around me. This year, I finally have a few, but they all leave school early to go to work. Every afternoon I feel as empty as you do. That there's absolutely no point in being there, and nobody to look forward to seeing. All the teenagers are just crazy and not good people...

I don't have a point anymore. Just rambling... my arm fell asleep- I'm sick today and stayed home. It's weird, I hadn't thrown up since like 6th grade, but then this year I've been so sick all of the time. I hope things get better. I'd be more sympathetic towards you if you didn't go around choking people- I've been choked a lot of times. It's not too pleasant.

Yeah, don't hurt yourself- or others- and things will get better some time. Life has its ups and downs. You'll eventually have your up.